I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
