im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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