five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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