i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
