I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
