After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
