Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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