either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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