i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
