Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
