I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
