Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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