I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
