We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
