When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
