oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
