im about as happy as oj after his trial
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
