Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
