hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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