i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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