theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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