she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
