its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
