Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Randomize
