You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
