So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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