oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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