I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
