A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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