We won't sleep together?
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
