I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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