It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
