This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize