**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
