I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
