well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
