This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
