Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize