Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
