you lied. pity sex is amazing.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
