Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
