I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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