I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
