def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
