Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize