I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
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