Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize