She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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