Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
