The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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