suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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