1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
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