i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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