Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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