He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He's on the porch naked. Help.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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