It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
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