I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
