On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
