I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
