i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
