Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
