if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
