Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just pee around me
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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