my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Holy shit dude........stairs
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
