No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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