I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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