guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
