he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
