wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
