They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
