What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
