Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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