Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
