Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
