You can't motorboat a personality
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
