Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So much Jack, so little girl.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
