I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
