just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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