Those balls look pretty dangerous.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
