Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
