I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
