mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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