I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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