doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
