Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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