I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize