omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
