also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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