....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
