Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
