okay pat passed out under dana's car
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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